Healing from Trauma Before Marriage

As individuals, we are a reflection of our background and experiences. It is only natural to replicate how we experienced marriage, from that of our parents. 

For people whose parents got separated or divorced due to one reason or another, it would take a lot of intentional and practical steps to outgrow the experience. 

Most people do not share the pain they went through as a  child during this period as they bottle these feelings within them. And in this part of the world where counselling and therapy sessions aren't seen as the ideal thing, it is evident why there are and will still be many failed marriages.

It takes two to tango. Have you healed from past sorrows? Has your prospective partner healed? These are life-saving questions. This painful experience might not even necessarily be a result of your parent's failed marriage but something that happened that touched the deepest part of your soul. 

There is a crucial need to find someone who's equipped, who would listen to your deepest pains and worries. It is crucial to the fruitfulness of one's marriage.

Most times, silent treatment in relationships or courtships today is a pointer to finding an easy way out by not engaging to tackle issues on the ground, and this is how most marriages drift to the point of no return.

Hence, it is expedient that someone who's gone through a sorrowful experience finds healing before marriage. For some, it could be as a result of a breakup, an insult that made a dent from a dear person, or trauma could be caused by anything at all. 

For healing to occur, you have to bare your heart to someone who can help proffer a solution. It will be difficult but at the end of the day, you will be a better person as a result.

The sad part of not getting healed before marriage is that one transmit that into the marriage and the person's children will have that DNA which will also affect their lives. So, it's wise to do the needful as soon as possible.

The Importance of Self Awareness While Choosing a Partner for Marriage

Self awareness is the ability to pay attention to the way you think, feel, and behave.

Just as the foundation of wisdom is knowledge, the foundation of a good marriage is self awareness and self development.

If you do not know yourself, how do you seek to understand another person? 

Most times, people that are confused and don't seem to have figured out their purpose in life are usually not self-aware because self awareness brings about clarity of purpose. And it is that clarity of purpose that serves as the basis of your direction, which will make you know what and who you want.

For you to be self-aware, you must ask yourself certain questions.

Questions only you can answer. If you answer these questions sincerely, you will be on your way to becoming self aware.

To-do list 1

Pen down these questions and answer them sincerely later:

1. What brings you joy? 

2. What are the things you are most scared of?

3. What causes you pain? 

4. What makes you fulfilled? 

5. What would you want to be known for? 

6. What are the things you are most passionate about? 

7. What can you die for?

8. What are you living for?

If you answer these questions sincerely, you will be able to move to the next level on your journey which is Self Development.

The Solution to the Problems We Currently Face in the Modern World

 The cyclic nature of life keeps us on our feet; the love we have for ourselves and everything that is ours is more than ever now on the rise and has made humans pathetically individualistic. Last week, in the news, a man was reported to have sacked his employee for showing up late at work even when he was told about the sickness of the employee's child. The lack of empathy showed by the employer further emphasised how people have become inhumane and will go at any length to do away with anyone or anything that causes a slight discomfort to them.

Economic hardships, unemployement, divorces, crimes, thuggery, police brutality, failed leadership, and the likes have plagued the world and now more than ever the rise of billionaires never before seen. Furthermore, the nature of jobs has changed and with that we are confronted with deeply rooted individual capitalistic tendencies. The human mind is now being constantly stimulated via social media to be on the edge and on the lookout for things that are fast and instantly gratifying. This rat race is a timed bomb that has led to lack of contentment and is making people miserable. 

There is the need for balance. For humans to think of strategies, systems and processes that enable humanity, communality, love, empathy and kindness, for these are the basic necessities of every human being. Systems and automations that make digitalisation, leadership, and other key aspects of our lives today humane. This is how we're able to lively truly and happily.

- Abdul Wahab Lawal

TIME BY MAJEEDAH ADEKANBI

                                                                  Solutions Review


Our sand of time slips narrowly
between the passage of trials and distractions;
echoing the pattern of an hour glass,
but our life trails the pattern of a train
moving fast on a track of delusion and fantasy,
until we're left with silts of woes and regrets
rising from the dust of reality.

MOTHER'S KNEE BY ABDUL WAHAB LAWAL

Photo Credit: James Russell Lowell

I learnt at mother's knee
To love and honour a woman
Like I value the air I breathe
So that I can live with ease and bliss.


I learnt at mother's knee
Not to eye someone else's things
So I can feel content with what I have,
For every man is favoured.

I learnt at mother's knee
That greatness lies at home
So I can fulfill my responsibilities with joy,
For a responsible man is blessed.


I learnt at mother's knee
To believe in my self-worth
As no man knows me like I do
And I am the best judge of myself.


I learnt at mother's knee
To serve humanity
As the greatest of all services
Is that which is done for humanity.


I learnt at mother's knee
To be teachable
For every man is flawed
But wise is he that knows and learns.


I learnt at mother's knee
To laugh at my sorrows
As with time
They'd glide.


I learnt at mother's knee
To rid myself of pride
As a proud man is dumb and blind

Blinded by foolishness and vanity.


I learnt at mother's knee
That divinity transcends man,
And effort without faith is null
Like a person chasing the wind.


I learnt at mother's knee
That life is fleeting
So I bask like a traveler
Leaving and living.

TIME BY ABDUL WAHAB LAWAL

Photo Credit: San Francisco Chronicle

Give me time

To sift the wisdom in time

So I am aware

That I have no time

And when my time comes

I would care less

About what time it is.

LIFE IS NOT THE REALITY BY ABDUL WAHAB LAWAL

 Photo: Nazar Abbas Photography/Getty Images





Take 
         me 
               farther
                          to
                             reality     
                                       so
                                           I
                                            can
                                                  walk
                                                           like 
                                                                 a
                                                                   traveler,         
                                                                                   seeking,
                                                                                                 searching
                                                                                                                   for 
                                                                                                                        meaning. 

                                                                                                                      Take 
                                                                                                                              me 
                                                                                                                                    farther
                                                                                                                                              to
                                                                                                                                                   reality
                                                                                                                                                            
                                                                                                                                                      so
                                                                                                                                                       I
                                                                                                                                                      can
                                                                                                                                                     walk
                                                                                                                                                      like
                                                                                                                                                       I 
                                                                                                                                                    know 
                                                                                                                                                    where
                                                                                                                                                        I
                                                                                                                                                      am.

And when I pause to take a bow, I would without a flinch
For the reality is, life is not the reality.
                                                                                                                                              
                                                               

On Saying Yes, Wedding Chills, And The Marriage Itself by Haniyat Bakare

A day will come when you will stretch your hands to say "Yes" to that man. At that moment your entire being follows suit. It dawns on you that it is not an "I" thing anymore but a confirmed "we" (all things being equal). So when you say "the" yes, a silent acknowledgement settles in your subconscious that things will be different moving forwards. For you, for him. Moderation and alternations will begin to happen and the ecstacy that "you have a wedding to plan!" begins to set in 😄😳💃. Then marriage here we come.

On marriage, you might really want it, you might think you want it but you don't, and finally you truly might NEED it. Whichever category you fall into, know one thing. From that point onwards the only way to make it work is to know that, "I am here and I will make it work". It will take an effort on your part first then a culmination with your partner then you can say, "we will make it work". The process of marriage are like the days, sometimes good and otherwise. However, how you choose to view things and "react" not "respond o" determines how a particular situation will play out. May we have the patience and wisdom it takes to react appropriately.
So ladies and gentlemen, what is your take on marriage? Ladies, how do you feel from the moment you say YES and gentlemen what thoughts run through your mind when you propose and she accepts, till the wedding day? Kindly share, thanks. "

📷:Getty Images

#marriage #love #relationship #happiness #bliss #companionship #life #thehomeconsult #haniyatbakare #consult

LOVE & HATRED

To love is to understand the nature of life
To hate is to be filled with the wrath of life
As life blossoms out of love
And withers out of hatred
Take me to paradise, to bliss, to love
Take me not to hell, to misery, to hatred
As a man lives, he becomes
As a man becomes, he lives.

 

 ---The Bestowed

Image Copyright : Vera Kudryashova

EAST ANGLIA

In the eyes of Anglia
I am an awaiting son
One whose soul sauntered
One whose rose wilted
In the eyes of Anglia
I am an awaiting sun.

Photo Credit: Adam Bennett

REVIEW OF THE ILLUMINANT: ADMIRABLE WORK OF SCHOLARSHIP BY MAYOWA ABIOYE

I am not a Fast 'nd Vast Reader.

I admit 'nd sometimes grade it Grey.

And for a Principle beyond Principalities,

I Resent Sentiment.

Even if disguised as My Eternal Lover.

For Stanza 1 is why my review of of the book-

"The Illuminant (poems)" authored by 

Abdul Wahab Lawal (The Bestowed)

Should come Top;

Of all the Purest Acts I have ever  portrayed

Either; since I was born till now

Or; from now till I answer The Eternal Call.

For; The Illuminant has illuminated-

My Heart and Home that Shivers

My Mind  and Thought that Roams

My Fear and Doubt that Bites.

My Puzzling Question that Aches.

My Incomplete Answer that Scores Nil

My Mystical Escapades that Mystify Me.

All via the Virtuous Themes of-

God & Love.

Family & Religion.

Humanity & Goodwill.

Patience & Contentment.

Ephemerals & Eternity.

And Now that I see (and see better)-

I would be Doomed to not Find God.

I would be Empty to not Love (my woman)

I would be a Bastard to not regard Family.

I would be a Bigot to not tolerate Peace.

I would be Useless to not serve Humanity.

I would be Stingy to not spray Goodwill.

I would be a Puma to not Hop on Patience.

I would be an Ingrate to not show Contentment.

I would be Foolish to not leap beyond Ephemeral.

I would be Lost to not think of Eternity.

Why all this Harsh Words on Yourself Mr?

To answer Your Unspoken Thought-

I indulge You to Read; "The Illuminant"

Meditatively!!!

************

For the Author; Abdul Wahab Lawal,

Though not the first to break poetic conventions. But I daresay, he is the first to Unconventionally beautify the flouted poetic conventions via a Small Pregnant but Flawless Run-on Lines that give birth to Imageries of Deep Messages and Cautions. Likewise, a Symbolic Imagery of Illumination is evident in the structural appeal of the wordings and Sun-like pictorial representation on every flipping page. What an Originality with Profound Origin!

The thematic arrangement of the poems on each page mostly without titles grace the book with an almighty TENACITY over SUSPENSE which I consider A lack in Modern Literature. But, a Huge Successful Feat for Abdul Wahab Lawal. It is Worth telling to say; I found it hard to not clinge on to "The Illuminant" not only until I was through reading it but until I got The Messages. For the expression of the Sage Poet is clear but the rest lies at the mercy of Deciphering Prowess of the Readers or Public to either Sip or Gulp the Inimitable Substance of the book beyond the Surface.

What A Success beyond Seasons!

However, the author intentionally indulged the readers' or public's Intellect, Understanding and Interpretation of his poems by leaving many of them Untitled.  My Favourites, among which I Subjectively titled are- Irony of Truth(page 44), Trance in Love(page 31), Ashabi and Kebbi(page 28), The Fragile Faith(page 25), God in All; Even in Animals & Nature(page 16). And lots more.

What a Strategic stir of Interpretation and Title Contest among the Readers!

"Personality" they say; "defends Art"

The author of 'The Illuminant' has proficiently affirmed it as he employed the use of deep indigenous Yoruba names such as Abefe, Akanké, Awelé, Abiké and Ashabi (my favourite) to placate and portray the depth of  his heart and message(s) about Platonic Love against  Lustful Love. With all sense of humor, I am slightly disappointed to not have an indigenous name like Àkànmú as A Persona.

Personally, it is not personal. For, the author best Understand my Feeble Disappointment.

Whether 'The Illuminant' is a Religious book or not. Abdul Wahab Lawal is a Firm Principled man, a Kind, a Tolerant, a Peaceful and of course; A Faithful Man of his Faith (evident in pages 8 and 82). What an Eternal Personality You Are!

**************

Hence, in Your wise words I repeat to you back-

"A kind man is a Great Man.

A faithful one lives Beyond Eternity.

You are Both.

Thank you for who you Are."

Thank You for delivering Indeed;

A Timeless Offering in this Ephemeral Decadent Age! 

For the Love of Poetry

And the Substance of "The Illuminant"

I daresay-

It Has Found A Precious Place in my Heart.

Not for Supremacy Combat.

But in Realization-

God is Love! Love is God!

Love is Peaceful & Tolerant!

- MAYOWA ABIOYE