Healing from Trauma Before Marriage

As individuals, we are a reflection of our background and experiences. It is only natural to replicate how we experienced marriage, from that of our parents. 

For people whose parents got separated or divorced due to one reason or another, it would take a lot of intentional and practical steps to outgrow the experience. 

Most people do not share the pain they went through as a  child during this period as they bottle these feelings within them. And in this part of the world where counselling and therapy sessions aren't seen as the ideal thing, it is evident why there are and will still be many failed marriages.

It takes two to tango. Have you healed from past sorrows? Has your prospective partner healed? These are life-saving questions. This painful experience might not even necessarily be a result of your parent's failed marriage but something that happened that touched the deepest part of your soul. 

There is a crucial need to find someone who's equipped, who would listen to your deepest pains and worries. It is crucial to the fruitfulness of one's marriage.

Most times, silent treatment in relationships or courtships today is a pointer to finding an easy way out by not engaging to tackle issues on the ground, and this is how most marriages drift to the point of no return.

Hence, it is expedient that someone who's gone through a sorrowful experience finds healing before marriage. For some, it could be as a result of a breakup, an insult that made a dent from a dear person, or trauma could be caused by anything at all. 

For healing to occur, you have to bare your heart to someone who can help proffer a solution. It will be difficult but at the end of the day, you will be a better person as a result.

The sad part of not getting healed before marriage is that one transmit that into the marriage and the person's children will have that DNA which will also affect their lives. So, it's wise to do the needful as soon as possible.

The Importance of Self Awareness While Choosing a Partner for Marriage

Self awareness is the ability to pay attention to the way you think, feel, and behave.

Just as the foundation of wisdom is knowledge, the foundation of a good marriage is self awareness and self development.

If you do not know yourself, how do you seek to understand another person? 

Most times, people that are confused and don't seem to have figured out their purpose in life are usually not self-aware because self awareness brings about clarity of purpose. And it is that clarity of purpose that serves as the basis of your direction, which will make you know what and who you want.

For you to be self-aware, you must ask yourself certain questions.

Questions only you can answer. If you answer these questions sincerely, you will be on your way to becoming self aware.

To-do list 1

Pen down these questions and answer them sincerely later:

1. What brings you joy? 

2. What are the things you are most scared of?

3. What causes you pain? 

4. What makes you fulfilled? 

5. What would you want to be known for? 

6. What are the things you are most passionate about? 

7. What can you die for?

8. What are you living for?

If you answer these questions sincerely, you will be able to move to the next level on your journey which is Self Development.

The Solution to the Problems We Currently Face in the Modern World

 The cyclic nature of life keeps us on our feet; the love we have for ourselves and everything that is ours is more than ever now on the rise and has made humans pathetically individualistic. Last week, in the news, a man was reported to have sacked his employee for showing up late at work even when he was told about the sickness of the employee's child. The lack of empathy showed by the employer further emphasised how people have become inhumane and will go at any length to do away with anyone or anything that causes a slight discomfort to them.

Economic hardships, unemployement, divorces, crimes, thuggery, police brutality, failed leadership, and the likes have plagued the world and now more than ever the rise of billionaires never before seen. Furthermore, the nature of jobs has changed and with that we are confronted with deeply rooted individual capitalistic tendencies. The human mind is now being constantly stimulated via social media to be on the edge and on the lookout for things that are fast and instantly gratifying. This rat race is a timed bomb that has led to lack of contentment and is making people miserable. 

There is the need for balance. For humans to think of strategies, systems and processes that enable humanity, communality, love, empathy and kindness, for these are the basic necessities of every human being. Systems and automations that make digitalisation, leadership, and other key aspects of our lives today humane. This is how we're able to lively truly and happily.

- Abdul Wahab Lawal